Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize