I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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