She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
