4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
