Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
