So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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