idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
