why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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