Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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