I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize