I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
