Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
