Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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