just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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