my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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