I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It's blow job season.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize