Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
