I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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