i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
