we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
