And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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