i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
