Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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