I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize