I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
