A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my sisters under your porch take her home
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
