god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
