May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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