its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
