Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
