Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
