I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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