I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
