Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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