Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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