**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
