my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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