if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
