please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
