i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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