ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
