I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My hand turned me down
I've blown a few things in my day
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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