I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
