The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
