i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
