Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
