how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
