you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
