What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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