I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
