I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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