It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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