how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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