Your dad touched me again.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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