He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
