I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
