Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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