Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
