How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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