my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
