Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
