Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
