this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize