she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I miss vodka workout Fridays
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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