i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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