My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
