and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Girls should come with a carfax report
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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