saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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