My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
