I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
