I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I see more hoeing in ur future
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
