I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
