Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
