Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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