Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
