it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
