So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
