Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
