people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
