I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You made out with two different species that night
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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