And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
