happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i love accidental penises.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Randomize
