I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
