I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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