Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
