Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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