Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
