i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
