You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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