Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
