She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
how drunk are you?
Several
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize