Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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